


The Dark

by CommanderTeatime



Series: Prompts [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Brother-Sister Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2018-10-07
Packaged: 2019-07-27 10:57:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16217609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CommanderTeatime/pseuds/CommanderTeatime
Summary: Alec knows that Clary has the missing puzzle piece, clutched tight in her hand and guarded close to her heart. He knows that with that puzzle piece they'll all be one step closer to saving Jace from the Owl, from whatever else is preying on him and his soul.Clary tells them all what really happened at Lake Lyn, and comfort comes from the most unexpected of places.





	The Dark

**Author's Note:**

> I forgot just what episode this is based from because I was re-watching a lot of season 3. I just kept thinking about what Alec must be thinking, what Clary must be feeling... and this happened. 
> 
> If you're wondering what happened before this ep-- this is right after they find out that Jace is the Owl, Magnus and Alec are still kind of fighting over the box. 
> 
> Title taken from "The Dark" by Thrice.

The words Magnus spoke hit him, each like further twist of a knife lodged somewhere in his heart.

“Clary drew the demon, it matched this one in the Silent City archives… it’s Lilith.” He turned the codex around for all of them to see, showing the sketched out horns and fangs of a beast, something that looked like it was out of his nightmares.

Alec let the other words slip into the back of his mind, his eyes locked with the image. He knew what they had to do, what he had to do, it all felt so simple, so necessary-- destroy Lilith, save Jace. The solution was almost like a mantra in his slightly hungover head, just repeating over and over, an awful repetition that turned into a hum.

“But why Jace?” He heard himself ask, and Alec straightened a little, his eyes still looking at the drawing, at the awful snarling demon that looked straight up, at the ceiling rather than meeting his eyes. Alec almost felt as though if he looked away, the drawing would move, peering at him, taunting him with what it had taken from him.

Clary took a sharp, shaking inhale of breath and released it just as shakily. Alec looked up at the soft movement of her red hair, at the tears still crowded in the green of her eyes. He felt guilty for her tears, almost like they were his fault. Jace was his parabatai, his brother, his responsibility, and the least he could do was look out for him, protect him when he needed to be protected. Alec had failed, Clary’s crying was evidence of that.

“Alec…” She looked up at him, her face washed out, her voice grainy, as though she had been screaming. “What you felt that night, when your parabatai rune disappeared… you were right.”

He straightened a little, the mantra, _destroy Lilith, save Jace_ , stopped suddenly, his head finding nothing but silence and the shaking breath of the girl across from him.

Her fingers were gripping the side of the table, her eyes so watery that he could see the breakdown in her tears. “Jace did die.” She told him, trembling.

_Jace did die._

_Jace did die._

“Valentine killed him.” She continued, her voice a little clearer, now, a little stronger. Clary shifted her stance a little, as though she had to summon courage from her the tips of her toes to continue speaking to him, to continue telling him the truth like this.

“I knew it.” Alec’s voice spoke for him, almost like a declaration rather than the relief that he felt.

All this time, these days since they returned from Idris, he had been sure he was going crazy. Why had he woken up almost every time he tried to sleep? With that awful agonizing pain burning against his parabatai rune? Why was it that his heart pounded through his chest and ignited through his body like demonic fire? It had been so hard to bear, to endure, so all-consuming and devastating. All this time Alec had felt as though his body wasn’t his, his body was nothing more than the ruins of who he used to be.

“But if he died, how did he come back?” Simon asked, almost unsure if he could touch her to comfort her, if she would allow herself to accept that sort of affection.

Clary swayed a little, closing her eyes and blinking out the tears. She looked down, steadying herself as though the whole world was beginning to blur and fade into the mess of water that clustered in her eyelashes. “I made a wish to Raziel.”

The statement was so clear, so simple.

_I made a wish to Raziel._

Alec could feel Magnus’s eyes on him, glancing at him for some sort of response, anything. He wanted to give some sort of response, anything, but his mind was blank, far too blank, far too panicked for what was unfolding in front of him. He hadn’t made any of these decisions, he hadn’t done any of this, and yet, it was all his fault, all his responsibility. The concept of it all was dizzying, the darkness of his thoughts was gnawing at him, telling him to destroy something, to destroy himself before anyone else could do it for him.

Isabelle found her ability to speak in those seconds of absolute horror. She enunciated her words as though they weren’t hers, the words of their mother came through her mouth in the same precise, scolding tone, but without the heat of anger. “You made _the_ wish?”

“I had to,” the shaking in Clary’s voice was back, breaking her syllables with unheard sobs. “I had to.” She repeated, “it was the only way to bring him back.” She was shaking her head now, disbelief of herself and her own actions. Clary had done this, and she had reason to. Alec knew that in his heart she had all the reason in the world to destroy that wish, to waste it on Jace.

She continued speaking, licking her lips first and trying to calm herself as she leaned against the table a little more, her arms against the clear glass display. “But it…” she stopped herself, her lips quivering again, tight against her pale features. “It made him vulnerable… to Lilith, to this… this beast that is powerful enough to murder Ithuriel.”

“What?” Izzy breathed.

“Because of me!” Clary cried, she looked up at Alec again, watching him, waiting for him to think through just what she was telling him.

If he knew how to react, how to respond to any of what she was saying, he would, just to calm that part of her mind. Instead, all he could do was watch her, watch her walls shatter and splinter into nothing, just as his had what felt like so many nights ago.

“Because I summoned him. Because I was trying to help Jace.” Her hand hit the table a little, rattling the mug of coffee in front of Izzy. Clary was sobbing now, her resolve gone.

He closed his eyes and tried to distance himself, just for a second, to put together his thoughts, to put together anything. Jace was still there, attached to him through the rune, a single thread uniting them. He couldn’t feel anything other than that simple presence, that Jace was there, that he simply existed in the realm of Alec’s sense of self.

“Alec, I am so sorry.”

Everything inside of him shattered, the ruins of himself, the last bit of anger he could possibly hold against her. He knew, he always knew, that nothing was Clary’s fault, that no matter how angry she made him that they would always sort things out, that in the end, she would always find some way to make it up to him, to remind him that she respected him and didn’t mean to step on his toes.

“I should not have kept this from you. I know what position this puts you in with the Clave,”

Shit.

“So if you want to send me to the Gard… I understand.” Her voice was soft now, back to speaking through the remains of what she had left of herself. So accepting of a punishment Alec wouldn’t give to the worst criminals.

“Clary, no.” Simon’s voice was soft and scolding, as though he was talking to a cat instead of his best friend. He looked over at Alec, terrified, and Alec could see that terror in his face.

He hated how everyone was looking at him, expecting him to respond. He felt as though in those seconds he was losing Jace all over again, having to cope with that awful feeling of being lost in a sea of constant dark movement, without the light of his parabatai to keep him calm. Alec was no longer treading water, he was drowning, and everyone was forced to see it.

Alec blinked carefully, not letting the tears even cloud his vision or burn at the back of his eyes.

Magnus turned away from his side, looking off to the wall and the decor of the Institute as though there was something about gothic architecture that amused him. Alec hated him for that.

He forced himself around the table, to Clary, to look at the mess of devastation, the burned earth that she had razed herself. Alec looked over her, over all of her fear, her trembling. What should he do? What would he do? How could he stop her from rampaging through every ounce of herself?

Carefully, as though he was touching far more fragile, he put his arm around her, letting Clary rest her head against his chest. It felt oddly right, as though for some reason, in that moment, Clary belonged right there, beside him, his arm around her like the brother she never had. He could feel her breathing calm, the awful shaking breathless sobs slowly ceased.

Magnus was still behind him, looking at the stained glass, unsure of what to do or say.

“I would’ve done the same thing.” Alec told her, realizing then that in all reality, he would have. If he had been faced with that decision, the Angel’s wish before him, Magnus dead beside him, he would’ve made the wish without a moment of hesitation.

Clary nodded a little, sniffling back the tears that still fell from her red eyes.

_I would've done the same thing._


End file.
